, a photo by TheNotQuiteFool on Flickr.
And so the cat crisis continues…
Today, I came downstairs to find more brown c**p smeared on the sofa and a smell that would have turned the strongest of stomachs. Having to dettol a sofa at seven in the morning is never a good thing, and the thoughts that were running through my head were far from charitable..
I decided to try and be a bit more pragmatic today and looked up “smelly bum” syndrome on the internet. It’s alarming just how many felines (and humans – alarmingly) are suffering with this problem. After reading several articles (some crediable and others not so) it seemed logical to assume that my cat may be suffering with an over productive anal gland…
A helpful, almost chirpy site cheerfully told me that I could easily solve this problem myself. All I needed to do was to pull on a pair of rubber gloves and slip a lubicated finger up my cats backside. Apparently this would realease the pressure and the foul smelling crap would ooze out (how utterly devine…).
Just the thought of wrigglilng my erect digit up my moggy’s stinky a**e was enough to make my cornflakes rise in my stomach. And, as if on cue, the cat flap slammed with such force it was like the cats had had a physic premonition of what was to come….
No, I’m sorry – there is no way I’m probing any creature….unless my life depended on it (which, lets be honest, would be pretty f**ked up).
So instead I plodded over to my parent’s house, resigned to the fact that I would be shelling out vets fees in the near future. My Dad (as expected) was his usual sympathetic self.
“Personally, I would wring their bloody necks…” He muttered in disgust “Bloody anal glands dripping all over the house – sod that!”
I tried to reason with him, tug on his humane heartstrings,
“But I have to treat the problem Dad – it’s not their fault is it?”
“I’d put them out of their misery.” He replied sourly “The day you find me dragging my leaky arse accross the carpet – is the day you can shoot me in the head!”
Now, there’s an offer…..