My Marilyn Moment….

Why do I do it to myself? I’m sure there is a part of my brain that is designed to come up with ideas to humiliate and horrify me, probably while I’m blissfully dribbling in my sleep.

The day didn’t start too well…

I have been getting used to being back to work which in itself is a headf**k. OK, it’s only 3 days but nevertheless I am finding myself in a permanent state of confused and dazed semi-consciousness, rather like a stoned OAP (if you can imagine such a thing) I find myself in important meetings suddenly panicking about the lack of nappies at home, or whether my daughter has been eating enough fruit this week. I nearly found myself discussing chickenpox with a senior director who (by all accounts) detests children.

I think my credibility is slipping somewhat.

So it didn’t help that I managed to crunch my foot against the bed post whilst getting ready this morning. I was reduced to a limping wreck, hobbling around the house, trying to squeeze my purple foot into my patent high heels – it wasn’t a nice look.

But at least I was wearing my pretty dress. My floral tea dress. The sun was shining and I could put that on and feel happy, even if my foot looked like a squashed plum.

And it was going so well. I actually made it through the day without talking about Iggle Piggle or nit treatments.

That was until a lovely gust of wind appeared from nowhere and blew up my skirt as I was walking from one office to another. Behind me were a group of six senior managers.

And of all them saw my lovely granny knickers that I had carelessly thrown on that morning.

As I mentioned earlier I think my credibility (what I had of it) is slipping…..

Marilyn Monroe, a photo by DRS 3 on Flickr.

The Secret to my Beauty…..

My sister popped over today, as she often does on a Friday. Nothing strange in that you might think…

However, while I was on the loo having a rare 3 minute break from the kids (my god I relish those toilet times now) I came out to discover my sister pulling out my drawers, going through my laundry bin and sifting through my pots and potions.

The nosey bitch!

I asked her what the hell she was doing, rooting through my stuff like a tramp searching for a discarded Special Brew – and she merely laughed and said she was searching for my secret.

“What secret?” I asked, confused.

“How can you look so good?” She queried. “The answer must be in here somewhere….” Indicating to the dirty tights she was holding in one hand and the spaghetti hoops she had in the other .

I smiled back and said “My dear – the answer cannot be found lingering amongst my dirty linen and it’s certainly not laying forgotten in some dark forgotten cupboard somewhere….”

And after some persuasion I produced the answer for her, relishing the delight in her eyes.

“This small pot of yoghurt makes me so beautiful” I told her sweetly. “I no longer look like a sleep deprived mum of two, my wrinkles disappear as if by magic and the beauty shines out of my face like the brightest star on the darkest night….”

My sister took a lick of the spoon that I proffered her and gasped in awe. I could see the beauty begin to shine from within her. She was no longer saggy and sunken but suddenly buoyant and bedazzling. The effect was magical. Disney would have been proud.

“This yoghurt will change my life..” She gushed.

“Well It certainly changed mine.” I replied *

* I apologise for the complete bollocks in this week’s blog but if anyone has seen this particular yoghurt advert they will know where I am coming from…

Beauty, my arse – the best yogurt does for me is make me slightly more regular – which at least gives me some more toilet time….