It’s The End of The World as We Know It…..

2012 is meant to be the end of the World isn’t it? Didn’t some bloke say it? I’m not sure who. It’s usually a bloke with a beard. Or people from ancient times, because of course they were experts at such things…..

My mad old neighbour down the road (the one that collects newspapers, has hairs on her chin and permenanty smells of chicken) seems convinced that this is fact. 2012 is the year we WILL die. This neighbour in question is about 102 – so I’m guessing her own personal odds are pretty good.

My Dad’s not concerned. “We’ll all die one bloody day anyway” he said matter-of-factly, sucking on his pipe. “What sodding difference does it make?”

Would it be nice if we knew? It’s not like you plan for the end of the world, is it? You can’t really have a party. But knowing this sodding country, we’ll all run down to ASDA and stock up on bread. That’s what we usually do in moments of panic (like when there’s an inch of snow).

What I don’t understand though, is why people feel the need to wear sandwich boards and parade up and down the streets, sharing their message of doom. If they are right, why the fuck would we want to know about it? After all, there’s nothing we can do to stop a natural phenomenon such as the explosion of the sun, or an incoming meteorite – so why send people into mass panic? Haven’t we got enough to cope with in the country at the moment? Aside from the fact that none of us (normal people) have any money, the music in the charts is piss poor, reality TV is taking over and a bunch of tossers are in No 10.

If 2012 is the end, stop bleating on about it. Let us all die in blissful ignorance, watching our last episode of Eastenders and scratching our sad, pathetic bottoms.

I’m sure the dinousaurs did something similar….

I Hate Buses – Part 3!

Oh no surely not another bad experience? Doesn’t the girl ever learn you might think…..And you’d probably be right.

Trouble is, it was a really hot afternoon, I had a whining little girl dragging on my arm and huge bags of shopping – what bloody choice did I have. Yes, I could have walked, but I would have looked like a sweaty sumo wrestler by the end of it, with arms dangling down by my ankles – never an appealing look at any time of the day.

So the bus it was.

The start was promising as it was pretty empty, although the driver was fairly surly and barely raised a smile, as he thrust my change at me.

I pushed the buggy into the all-too small space and plopped myself down in a nearby seat with my relieved daughter (she has declared she hates the sun and only likes the rain, bodes well for our summer holiday abroad)

But then another buggy struggled on and wedged beside mine. This buggy was a huge designer type thing, all singing and dancing but so bloody obstructive. I swear to god expensive buggies are not made for public transport – only to be gently pushed along posh city streets,

I sat there staring at these two prams, now looking like one merged beast and knew with a sinking heart there was going to be a problem when one of us got off,

And of course the first one to ding the bell was me. I went to move my buggy and of course the wheels locked with its new best friend. It took a huge tug from me to pull mine free.

Because of this my handbag fell to the floor releasing a load of cheesy puffs that I had in there in a handy (but not very secure) Tupperware pot (to keep the kids happy). The bloody things went everywhere – how did so many fit in such a little tub? And I couldn’t leave them could I? I couldn’t be such an obvious litter bug…

So there I am, on the dirty bus floor gathering up my puffs, feeling the glares of the passengers around me as I delayed their bus further.

Even worse I then released that by bending over, my skinny jeans was exposing rather too much of my not so lovely bottom cleavage to an elderly gentleman seated opposite me

“Best view I’ve had in ages love…” he declared as I scampered off

Seriously, am I cursed on these wretched things or what?

Bum Cracks by candiceecidnac
Bum Cracks, a photo by candiceecidnac on Flickr.