Yesterday I took my little girl swimming.
And I was dreading it…
How awful does that make me sound? Most yummy mummies out there will be dropping their delicate coffee cups at the thought of another mother not enjoying the sight of her daughter splashing about madly in chlorine polluted waters.
But I hate the thought of it and here are the reasons why:
1) The price. £4.20 for me to stand in freezing water, holding my slippery daughter and clapping like a lunatic every time she manages to lift her feet of the floor. I am NOT swimming therefore why do I have to pay the price of one. And just over £2 for my 3 year old seems excessive when all she can do is bounce up and down hopefully screaming “look at me Mummy, I’m a mermaid!”
2) The indignity. Nobody likes standing in their swimming costume, unless they are abroad, in the heat and relaxed. I am not relaxed when my hair is frizzy and my white bits are exposed and I’m responsible for a toddler not drowning.
3) The rumours. I heard a rumour once that people snuck into the Jacuzzi area at our local baths for a wee (as it’s tucked away in the corner). I can’t go in there now. And if I see someone standing in the pool, with a faraway look on their faces and a faint smile, I can’t help thinking “s**t, are they having a p**s?”. It makes my skin crawl…
4) The lifeguards. My dear nephew was one so I know they are lovely really, but why do they never smile. EVER?
5) The wet floors. They are a breeding ground for veruccas, we all know this….and we all avoid walking behind anyone wearing a fetching verucca sock or a scabby plaster.
6) Getting out. It’s hell on earth. You are cold like never before, your head hurts and your eyes sting like crazy. You never dry yourself properly in a bid to escape the skanky changing rooms as quickly as possible.
7) You feel so hungry. Or is that just me? I spend an hour standing in pool, doing very little and all I want to do when I get out is eat!
So why do I do it? Well I guess like most things we suffer for the ones we love. And I reluctantly admit that it is worth it all to see my daughter have so much fun
I just think next time I might have to nominate Daddy….