Something really strange happens to me when I enter a supermarket, any supermarket, I don’t know whether it’s the bright artificial lights, the slightly stale air, or the inane music being pumped around me – but immediately my brain turns to mush and all rational decisions turn to s**t.
Today, I spent twenty minutes looking at socks, stupid bloody socks. Trying to choose between one pointless TV character against another. I mean, really did it matter whether a gurning pig or a weird-looking cat clads my daughter’s feet? It was hardly a life-changing decision, but at that point in time it felt like one.
A little later, I found myself standing – much like a zombie – in front of bath products. I’m glassy eyed, with my mouth slightly open, probably looking like I had escaped from somewhere very secure. I was confused by everything. The two for one offers. The wording. What is the difference between a “relaxing” bath soak and a “stress relieving” bath soak? Surely they are both the same. Certainly they both smelt pretty pungent and would probably knock mike Tyson out..Do I need a moisture soak? Is my skin really that parched?
Toilet rolls. Yoghurts – even bloody toothpaste. I’m standing there like a moronic fool. Where has my brain gone? I used to be someone who could negotiate deals, lead presentations and here I am puzzling over my choice of bog roll.
Maybe it’s a woman’s thing. My husband never has this problem. He waltzes into a shop, throws objects into the trolley without a second glance and never regrets his decisions. As for me, I’m so sad – it will bug me for days if I buy a cleaner only to find that it just doesn’t smell right….
But as for the shopping daze – I blame the stores. I’m convinced they pump an invisible gas into these places, designed to turn you into a complete idiot and lull you into spending more time (and therefore more money) in their shop.
That’s my excuse anyway…
Every little counts – and it my case it certainly bloody does!